This is fantastic.

…And I’ve decided to bold the ones I actually meet. This was posted in response to a story about a Nepal girl who is considered a Living Goddess (she’s 10) and that to be considered such had to meet 32 Perfections.

The knitter “32 Purlfections”

1. Must own an Ashford spinning wheel.

2. Must possess at least one ball of cashmere yarn. The good stuff.

3. Must have at least PETTED a vicuna.

4. Must have an allergic reaction when within 100 meters of acrylic.

5. Must ONLY knit with Rosewood needles.

6. Must take a daily bath in wool wash.

7. Must study stitch pattern books by candlelight every night.

8. Isn’t afraid to use spare bamboo needles as chopsticks in a pinch.

9. Raises alpacas.

10. Has never knit a dog sweater. (Oh, dear me, I’ve failed this severely.)

11. Uses beads in knitting sparingly.

12. Has a self-portrait tapestry out of self-striping yarn hung in the foyer of their estate.

13.  Breaks out in hives at the very mention of “Fun Fur”. (See an earlier post about the evils of Fun Fur if you need further convincing.)

14. When carried through the streets, attendants must be wearing sashes made from knitted wire.

15. Thinks novelty yarn is for decorative trim applied with Elmer’s glue.

16. Always sits at the head of the table at knit-a-longs, etc.

17. Is forbidden to utter the words “Stitch and Bitch”.

18. Has specially crafted wooden needles with personalized initials carved into them that are only used for hair decoration. (Well, half of this, I have the needles, but they’re too big to use as hair needles. And I don’t put needles in my hair.)

19. Never uses stitch markers.  The knowledge of stitch placement was implanted at birth.  No need.

20.  Has a color wheel birthmark in between the eyes.

21.  The umbilical cord is replaced with an I-cord, and can only be snipped with Gingher scissors.

22.  Whenever the feet are kissed by adorers, they must be wearing hand-knitted socks.

23. The word “stash” is replaced by “bejeweled collection”.

24. Instead of “click clacking” – CHANTING is heard when knitting with Addi Turbos.

25. The body AUTOMATICALLY assumes a pose when sitting down to knit.  And locks it in.

26. Must have a colorway named after them from at least 32 yarn companies.

27. TV appearances are immediately followed by a post-show hosted by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.

28. Tickets sold to public appearances must be printed with gold-leaf lettering.

29. Never has UFO’s.

30. Never has WIP’s.

31. No project is ever the subject of scrutiny, or is ever called a “loser”.

32. There is always a waiting list to be added as a “friend”.

(taken from Yarn Ball Boogie’s Blog, this is his list, I’m just stealing it.)

I think I may have crossed the line between ‘hobby’ and ‘lifestyle’. Knitting has officially taken over my existence. Which, I suppose I should have figured this out when I inked the image of needles and yarn into my fore arm.

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