This morning, while perusing my usual knitting/crafting blogs, I ran across a post that someone had left on one of the many communities I’m apart of that linked to an article by Steven Wells, who evidently writes for the Philadelphia Weekly. His article is evidently intended to be a dual book review for the AntiCrafts new book “AntiCraft: Knitting, Beading and Stitching for the Slightly Sinister”, and “Alter Nation” (which by the way, isn’t even a knitting and/or crochet book, despite Mr. Wells best attempts to lump it in with us.)

Here’s my problem: if this was supposed to be an attempt at a book review and not just a general indictment of anything that involves sticks and string, than were is the review part? I mean, I read the bashing the craft in general part but I did not see much of a book review going on in there. Now, secondly, it’s obvious that this man does not craft in any fashion so I’m not sure how these books ended up on his desk for review anyway. Unless he’s the periodicals resident punk rocker, in which case, why the hell would you give him craft books?

I do not, nor will I ever, assert that I am in super ‘punk rock’. However, I also do not align myself with the “poor burnt-out-at-40, dead-by-50 great grandmother” set either. I am 25 years old, choosing to remain childless, college educated, run a successful crafting  business, well read, well spoken and most importantly I learned to knit and crochet all by myself. I was not handed the craft when I was a child, I sought it out when I was 22 years old and had just  moved to Las Vegas, NV to attend art school.

When I sit and knit I usually listen to music or watch television. Not that my musical preference has any bearing on my knitting, but generally speaking I am listening to Alkaline Trio, Rilo Kiley or The Cure. I do not knit toilet paper cozies, in fact I had to Google the term to make sure they even exist at all (sadly, they do.), and when I am crafting a project of any kind I do it off the cuff and spontaneous like. I resent the implication that in order to be edgy or cool, you cannot take up any form of crafting. I am hesitant to assert my ‘edginess’ here because, every time I try to look hard it comes back and bites me in the ass, however I will say that the knitters I hang with tend to lean more towards the ‘FUCK! I dropped a stitch!’ crew than the ‘Fiddlesticks! Pass me the crochet hook lovey’ crew.

I am no Adolf Knitler (though I do think the term is catchy) and I am not a crochet-fascist. While Mr. Wells throws both of those terms around as though they are bad things, he in no way defines who they apply to. Are Adolf Knitlers the particular group of knitters who abhor anything that is not strictly knitting needles and wool? Are these the group of people who think crochet is a lesser art? Are these the ‘yarn snobs’? Cuff down sock knitters? I’m not sure. I can think of several factions of knitters who may qualify because of their strict and often uncompromising opinions on how, where, when and who should perform our chosen art form. He lost me at crochet-fascist though. I have no idea what the hell that is. I’ve never met a crocheter who even comes close to being a fascist. They are usually a very nice and open bunch.

All in all, I bet this whole matter of anti-knitting-semitism would be solved if we as a community decided to knit Steven Wells a variety of things that would show a) how simple sticks and string can convey love and b) that if he doesn’t shape up we’ll simple assault him with our pointy sticks until he cries like a little girl. He’ll be wishing for a Knit Nazi concentration camp after he’s felt the prick of a thousand tiny sock needles pierce his delicate fleshy underbelly.

If I can find a physical address perhaps I’ll send him some mittens. Maybe he’s just cranky because Philadelphia in the winter is pretty much Hell frozen over.

(Oh, and just so we’re clear, I read about this review on the Punk Knitters community on Livejournal, and I will be telling all of my friends at my punk rock knitting group about this dude next Wednesday night. So there.)